Ugh

I haven't blogged in a while so I had some thoughts on my mind and figured I would now. I'm kind of upset right now. We leave for the beach tomorrow for Wes's family's big beach trip. I've been knowing about this beach trip for months and was REALLY wanting to loose at least 10 lbs. before it. Well, here I am the day before going and I have lost a few pounds, but probably gained them back these past 2 weeks. I was really enjoying working out and eating right. I had started to feel so much better....BUT...school has really taken it's toll on me the past 2 weeks. Because it's the end of the semester, so much was due and I found myself exhausted and drained. Needless to say, I stopped going to the gym and really started eating wrong again. I am still mindful of what I eat, but it seems so much harder when you are not working out and when you are very busy. I look back at pictures of myself from 2006-2008 and it just makes me sick. I was so thin in 2006. Slowly, I've packed on some pounds. My body has changed a lot (age=metabolism) and taking birth control did NOT help (gained about 25 lbs on it). I'm just ready to be back to a weight that I can feel comfortable at. I seriously feel like everyone will be starring at me the whole time at the beach (I'm going to wear a tankini and probably some shorts too). Even though no one probably pays it any attention, I feel like I'm just hanging out everywhere! Like a big protruding blob! I know I'm not obese or anything, but I've always been pretty well controlled with my weight. Anyway, I'm sorry I'm rambling, I just thought it would make me feel better to write out all these thoughts and feelings. I really hope to get back to the gym after this trip and start eating salads and stuff again. I know it's going to take a lot of effort (which is kind of discouraging) but I REALLY hope to be back at the size I want this time next year.