Our Little Poppyseed

The purpose of this blog is to be open and honest about married life and life in general. Sometimes that is hard to do. My goal is to show others what "normal" is and maybe what to expect and just see an honest representation of marriage and life. Maybe this blog will help others going through the same things. Every relationship is different and every situation is different. It is also a type of diary for me. With that said, here is our present situation...

I have been feeling "funny" all month long. I have been cramping, nauseous, moody, craving weird stuff, very tired, and having a metallic taste in my mouth. Wes kept saying I was pregnant. I tried to wait and just see, but curiosity got the best of me.

So...I took a pregnancy test Thursday and this is what I saw [left picture]...do you see the very light left line? It was much clearer in person. If that wasn't clear enough, I took another test Friday at about 12:30 am...[right picture]. It clearly says "YES+". Wes and I had so many emotions running through our heads. We were excited, scared, worried, happy, freaking out...you name it. We didn't tell anyone because we wanted to make sure. We looked up the growth chart on the internet and found that I was about 4 weeks pregnant and it was about the size of a poppy seed and looked like the pic up top. The cells were joining together to make a baby. Very exciting. We both put a hand on my stomach and prayed for God's will. Later on Friday, I took another test and it said "NO-". I was very confused. I took another and only really saw one line. We were both very confused. We looked it up and knew that HCG levels could fluctuate so we just prayed. Even though we were NOT trying and were freaking out, we were trusting God to do His will. Yesterday, I found out that I lost it. It was a "chemical pregnancy"...which means a very early miscarriage. Click here to learn more about chemical pregnancies. I was upset, but trying to be strong. As the day continued I became MUCH more emotional. It was so much harder than I thought it would be. Even though I only knew a day that we were pregnant, I loved that little poppy seed with all my heart; we both did. Even though we were NOT trying whatsoever, we are both very heartbroken that our tiny child did not make it. This happens often and I would never had known that I was pregnant if I had not taken a pregnancy test. We are both trusting God and just trying to get through this little sad patch in our lives. It's an odd feeling. Even though we were only "parents" for a day, we feel like something is missing now. Please just say a prayer for us. We will be fine, it's just an odd time for us right now.